College

... Where do I even start?... I guess I should start by saying, "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" This entry would best be summed up by a video of me crying hysterically, with a large, anonymous figure raping me in the ass. It's partially my fault (just like many rape victims feel) but it still doesn't make it right. This is my story...


I skimmed through my first year of college with a LIFE scholarship and a psychology major. Even with this scholarship, I had to take out a $3000 loan to help pay for books and the tuition that wasn't covered by the LIFE scholarship (which is, as far as I know, the alpha scholarship that generally covers everything- apparently this is not always the case). After wasting some credit hours on a topic that was interesting, but didn't offer any type of occupational security, I decided to change my major to biology. This was possibly the greatest decision of my life. For reasons I might talk about in a future blog, sciences have always held a special place in my heart. I almost feel as if my calling in life is to be involved with nature, be it as a park ranger, environmentalist, teacher... I know that this is where I belong. Well, long story short, I got into Bio 101 and passed with a D. I fucked up bad. High school NEVER prepared me for the terrors of college biology classes and I was so overwhelmed with the material, I would go home and cry after tests. Regardless, my professor seemed to see that though my efforts were futile, they were at least still present, and encouraged me to go on to Bio 102 and worry about grade forgiveness another semester. So I did. At this point in time, I still have a LIFE scholarship (3.0 + GPA) and am taking Bio 102 and the introductory chemistry course for biology majors. This is where I fuck up again. I flourished in Bio 102, however, chemistry and I didn't get along as well as I'd hoped. Though my history with biology in high school was bad, high school chemistry was 100x worse. For example, one of the last experiments we did in my high school chemistry class was to place a gummy bear in a cup of water and measure the difference in weight the next day. Seriously, that's what 12th grade chemistry students were doing in the southern United States. Needless to say, I passed the chemistry class with a D as well; the only difference between that class and the Bio 101 class was that I would cry during the tests, not after. This is where I lose my scholarship. With these two D's on my transcript (for the record, I have NEVER in my life made a D in a class), my GPA was brought down to a 2.9500. In efforts to save my GPA, I enrolled in a summer course to hopefully bring my GPA up. Good news is that it did. Bad news is that it brought it up to a 2.9900, which does not qualify me for a scholarship, apparently.

Last semester, I retook Bio 101 and Chem 111 and made B's in both of the courses. Wanna know what my GPA is now? 2.9999. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? I feel like I've given everything to my college, besides the head of my first born son (I don't have children) and I don't have shit to show for it besides debt. I'm a single, white female with no children but this doesn't mean that I shit golden bricks. I'm still poor and I NEED help to get through college, financially speaking. This semester, I owe $5000 and they (the school nor the government) didn't grant me a dime to go towards paying for it. I know that student loans are the reality for a lot of students, but I'm not just some bimbo doing something easy so I can get out fast. I have motivation. I help professors when I can. I work on campus. I'm involved in my school. I go to extra curricular activities. Why can't I catch a break? I read about all of these billionaires making so much money that with their bonuses alone, they make more than average citizens, and I just want to go to them and ask for a couple thousand bucks. I mean, there has to be people out there that would actually donate to a needy college student, it's just a matter of finding them. 


Either way, I will bite my tongue, take out loans, ask for help from my family, and set up a payment plan just as I did last semester and the semesters prior... Let's just hope that's enough to cover it. Boy, it sure is hard being poor and wanting an education. 


*********** Update************* 1-4-12*************
My dad is such a bro. He went up to the office with me and got me an extra $900 FOR FREE. To top it off, he flirted with both the bitches we had to talk to AFTER he tousled their feathers a little. He's probably the coolest dad ever. Today after we spoke with the second lady, it dawned on me just how secure he makes situations. I know that my dad is always there to dust my knees off, hook me up with a Band Aid, kiss my forehead and send me on my way. BroDad 4 Lyf